Elfwood Rants
This was written following a particularly nasty flamewar over at the livejournal community 'Elfwoodrants' (long gone from the Internet, now). I don't even recall what the topic of the disagreement was, but it spawned a rare fit of poetry. Pure silliness, really.
Elfwoodrant, its siren song
Here's your hope to right some wrong.
Here's your chance to say your piece
And clarify your Elfwood lease.

But tempers flare and hackles rise
And there go folks you thought were wise
Swinging swords and saying words
And sometime even being turds.

That foul and irritating dude,
How can he be so awfully rude?
How can that elf be so naive?
Weren't you here for some reprieve?

Those horrid creeps!
Those wretched peeps!
This space, isn't it completely free
For you, at least, and me?

The rules! The jerks! The Elfwood gods!
The ERB! Those awful mods!
This is more than just a pout,
Near to tears and storming out.

You are artist, hear you roar!
Madder now than were before.
That's your skin, and those your nerves.
The conversation takes such swerves!

You didn't mean it quite like that...
How did this turn into attack?
How did this get so past control?
Was that *your* post of vitriol?

The trolls come out, goblins, too
(The topic now you all quite rue...)
While fading fairies shriek for peace
And furries rant at rants and- sheesh!

Just breathe, and live, and learn a lot
And ask yourself what each side got.
You could take the ire and wrath,
Or you can take the gentler path.

Look, here were words of wisdom lost
Among the words of anger tossed.
Take the good and leave the bad,
Relieve your blood pressure a tad.

Here's a point you didn't know
And here's a truly awesome show
Of tact and helpfulness and style
Now you know how not to rile!

Pick out the things you wish you were,
Don't focus on that tiny slur.
Let it go, you Elfwood elves.
And do the cleanup work yourselves.

Do the things you think will help
And when you feel the need to yelp,
Drop it into Elfwoodrants -
Then hold, my dears, onto your pants.

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